CR, CM and DM

February 18, 2010

So I was a women’s studies major in college and I was all into post modern stuff and structuralism and post structuralism standpoint theory and third wave; Yeah, I was real third wave.

Which means I wasn’t second wave. I didnt do things like buy Georgia O’Keefe prints or, like, learn about the cycles of the moon, or study matriarchal societies or look at my cervix. I also had no desire to work with children and I thought CR groups were hokie.

Anyway, with this whole getting pregnant thing. I’m on my back trying to channel your average obgyn during the bimanual exam and I believe I have now palpated my own uterus. I always knew that my ute was a little askew, but dude, my cervix is *way* off. Granted, I have scoliosis, so I’m sure everything is way off, but still. I was pretty surprised.

Also, about that cervical mucous problem I think I have, a quick review of the internets reveals that to improve cervical mucous I should:

1.) drink lots of water

2.) take evening primrose oil and robitussin (not DM) during cycle days 1-14

3.) avoid caffeine and dairy

But really, I mean, can’t I just, like, crack an egg and dab some around down there? The sperm man said the sperms come in a egg-type base and everybody’s running around comparing perfect cervical mucous to egg whites, so I’m just saying . . . who wants to choke down two tablespoons of Robitussin for 14 days?

Oh wait, I do.

New Shopping List for Try #3:

1.) Robitussin

2.) speculum (can’t find mine/ havent looked)

3.) prenatal vitamins (ran out)

4.) evening primrose oil pills

5.) a pallet of bottled water

6.) Taking Charge of Your Fertility (on hold at the library)

If only I didnt live across the street from a Starbucks, I’d be golden.