Asheville Update Sperm Edition

September 18, 2010

So, a 5th grade teacher at Wifebian’s new school is actually our new sperm donor, in disguise. The reason I know this is that he is newly married and in possession of a three month old baby by open adoption. Also, and perhaps most revealing as to his true identity, he is gay and lives down the street from us.

Let the fresh buckets of sperm rain down upon me now; I love Asheville.

But also, he is from Seattle.

Oh, shit!

Dan Savage is our new next door neighbor!

Gay in the World, Gay at Home

September 8, 2010

Or should I say “femme”?

There’s a black butch lesbian at work on whom I have a terrible crush. She reminds me that I have a sexual orientation. A very specific and powerful one. Usually, I just say, you know, “I’m bisexual, I think everyone is beautiful.” But it’s not true. Everyone is not as beautiful as a small handful of rare, rare creatures, who are super beautiful. And that’s what a sexual orientation feels like. Most people have 50% of the population to chose from. But I have, like, .5%, so I come across them much less often. But, I love every single last one of them. Well, thats not true either, but you know what I mean.

I come home and tell Wifebian about the new and exciting, but terribly uncomfortable, ways in which we flirt. (Imagine being a kinky queer and attending a training on sex offenders and sexual paraphilias with your work crush.) Then, Wifebian and I wax poetic about our relationship, our styles, our preferences, our turn-ons. Us. Us before. Us now. Us in the future.

I love us.

Word Dorky

August 26, 2010

For those of you that are as word-dorky as me, check out these sites. I could spend all day at Wordspy and the site for the Dictionary of American Regional English.

From Wordspy:

tuxeda
n. A tuxedo designed for a woman.
Example Citations:
From locating a gay-friendly rabbi to finding a smokin’ tuxeda for you and your wife-to-be, planning a same-sex wedding can present many hurdles not found in the hetero world.
—Caroline Ryder, “We do, too!,” LA Weekly, February 10, 2006
Last week I learned a new word: tuxeda.It’s a tuxedo for women — one of the terms that might come up when planning a lesbian commitment ceremony. Then again, both partners may choose to wear a traditional wedding gown, or something altogether different.
—Dalia Colon, “‘Out’ weddings are in,” St. Petersburg Times, May 2, 2008

Earliest Citation:
Megan and Debbie Rosenhart, a lesbian couple, drove 1,100 miles from Santa Cruz, Calif., to show beaded and sequined gowns and “tuxedas,” jackets and tails designed for women, at Spokane’s coronation.
—Carla K. Johnson, “Ball lets men be queen for a day,” The Spokesman Review, October 11, 1994

From DARE:

dropped egg n  Also drop egg [Prob from Scots dial; cf SND drap v. 5. (2) (b) 1824 →] chiefly NEng See Map somewhat old-fash A poached egg.1884 Harper’s New Mth. Mag. 69.306/1 MA, Martha was . . eating her toast and a dropped egg.  1896 (c1973) Farmer Orig. Cook Book 93, Dropped Eggs (Poached). 1933 Hanley Disks neMA, Dropped egg—take and put a pan of milk on the stove and boil and drop the egg in and let it cook.  1941 LANE Map 295 (Poached Eggs), throughout NEng, Dropped eggs. . . 1 inf, ceVT, Drop eggs.  1948 Peattie Berkshires 323 wMA, In Berkshire . . you could not get a poached egg, but you could get a “dropped” egg, which was the same thing. 1965 PADS 43.24 seMA, 6 [infs] poached eggs, 4 [infs] dropped eggs, 1 [inf] dropped egg on toast. 1965–70 DARE (Qu. H35, When eggs are taken out of the shell and cooked in boiling water, you call them _____eggs) 40 Infs, chiefly NEng, Dropped; NH15, Dropped egg on toast. [33 of 41 Infs old]  1975 Gould ME Lingo 82, Dropped egg—Maine for poached egg, usually on toast. 1977 Yank ee Jan 73 Isleboro ME, The people on Isleboro eat dropped eggs instead of poached.