So, it turns out our upstairs neighbor is a peeping tom. What a dumb word. First of all, it’s minimizing. And second of all, I can’t believe this particular psychosexual paraphilia is so common, that’s there’s a word for it in the vernacular.

I mean, think about that.

He has been caught looking into our windows twice. The first time, we were home with a bunch of family and when he was spotted, our brother in law went to the door. The neighbor kinda of said that he was there to introduce himself to Lauren. So, you know, his body language and the poor execution of this basic social skill, also known as knocking on the door, in combination with comments from the neighbors that he “stalked” the previous tenant, raised the flags. Our BIL ran some searches, we hit the public information on the internet. Nothing too serious on his record and it was all a few years ago. So, we, I guess I, decided to play nice. I’ve seen him on the street and chatted him up. You know, been awesome. But we really knew it was just a matter of time.

Today Wifebian is getting dressed, looks up, and it’s him. She wakes me up, he is on our porch. I go out and explain to him that I have been very neighborly up until now, but that the other neighbors have indicated that he has a history of concerning behaviors and his next step was to go back to his apartment, while my next step was to call the police. He said he wished I wouldnt and I said that his next step was to go back to his apartment, while my next step was to call the police. In the drunken melee, he knocked over one of my potted plants. Well, it wasnt a melee, really. But you know what I mean.

So, Wifebian has made a report, gone to the magistrate to take out a warrant — because peeping when youre a tom is a crime, who knew!? Tonight, she is at her sister’s house while I work a night shift. Tomorrow morning me and Wifebian are checking into a hotel for one more night shift, then, when we can be in the house together at night, we will go back home. Monday she will take out a restraining order and await the court date. We have emailed the management company explaining that we are interested in finding another apartment. When Wifebian was signing the lease they told us that he was unemployed, didnt leave the house much and that he was a talker. That he liked to talk, but that he was “harmless”. In other words, they knew.

Anybody else have any experience with this? I wonder if there is a victim assistance fund that will help us cover the costs of relocating in the event that our property management company doesnt take responsibility for this?  Anybody know of any good Intensive Outpatient Substance Abuse/ Sex Offender Treatment Programs in WNC? Any other essential tips or tricks for surviving the misogynist patriarchy?

I continue to resist the urge to look him up. As a mobile crisis worker, I have access to the records of lots of people with a history of alcohol problems and bad behavior.

Repeat after me, HIIIIIIPPA. Eeeeeeethics. Liiiiiicense.

(hippaethicslicense.)

I’m absolutely sure tomorrow morning is going to be a complete shit show. Here’s why:

1.) The client’s mom is spanish-speaking

2.) Her kid, also Spanish-speaking, has been in jail or a psychiatric hospital since May and she hasnt lifted a finger to fix it

3.) The interpreter talks about quitting every other day

4.) The address that the parent gave us doesnt match the address that Google maps gives us

5.) I invited the case manager without telling anyone. (She’s Black American English speaker.)

6.) The interpreter needs to change the appointment to 10:30 because our supervisor would like her to attend an 8:00AM meeting and a 9:00AM meeting

7.) The interpreter told me she would call by the end of the day to let me know if she had been able to change the appointment with the kid’s mom from 10 to 10:30

8.) She hasnt called or responded to texts

9.) I decided to turn an hour long appointment into a two hour appointment without telling the parent or the interpreter

10.) I am trying to get 3 hours of work done in those two hours

11.) Except it’s six hours of work if you figure interpretation takes twice as long

12.) And finally, I ‘ve decided to drink 3 Blue Moons at midnight to address the falling asleep problem I’m having

So, like I said, think of me . . .it doesn’t really matter if you start thinking of me at 10 or 10:30, cause this craziness is sure to last until dinner . . . if mom doesnt cancel again.

That’s right, Mr. Smearcase, I said “mom” instead of “his mom”.

Plug Love

August 7, 2010

So, I show up at a client’s mom’s house and she says that the client and her live-in boyfriend are out getting p!gt@!7s. And I say,”What?” and she says the word again that I dont really understand but I say,  “Oh, OK,” because she doesnt have any teeth and that accent and also she is a little stand-offish and I would just feel dumb asking a third time.

Toward the middle of the session, we warm up to one another (we have to warm up to one another all over again every session) and the word comes up again. I admit that I have no idea what she said and she says more clearly, while looking at me, “Pigtails.” And I say, “What’s a pigtail!?” And she explains that a pigtail is a three-pronged plug. Not a two prong. And not a four prong. A pigtail is an electrical cord with a three-pronged plug.

Except, she said, “Prawn.”

I say, “I didn’t know that!” And she says, “Me neither,” and I say, “Thank you for teaching me something new; I love learning new words!” And she doesnt say anything back because she is has borderline intellectual functioning, suffers from untreated depression and has an extensive history of trauma.

At least, that’s what I say to myself when she ignores me.