98.2

February 27, 2010

A fourth morning of high temps, but Dr. Googs cannot tell me why my would temperature would stay high if I am not pregnant. Breasts continue to be totally unsore which is totally abnormal for me and there is more cramping. No other signs, like urination or tender breasts or anything. Out of my six scattershot charts, I was temping on CD one only once and I was at 98.1 on that day, so maybe I’m within my normal limits and just dont know it. I’ve only temped this far into my cycle on one occasion.

Last night, I dreamed that Wifebian and I were looking for a place to live that was rent-free since we were pregnant and needed to cut costs.

This morning I read about how its the slow girl sperms that tend to fertilize the egg if you inseminate very early.

I also learned some new heterosexual ttc abbreviations. As you can imagine, different groups of people need different acronyms for this process and apparently, some straight people need an acronym for the phrase “do the dance” which means “have intercourse” if you hadn’t gathered. There is also the acronym “BD”, but I didnt have the heart to click on that one and find out what it meant.

Something to Show

February 26, 2010

So, the test is negative. And that’s a relief. The wondering and excitement about whether I was pregnant this month was distracting me from the massive OPERATION PREGNANCY I am about to UNLEASH on my household next month.

Now, I can go ahead and drop the 75 bucks on Robitussin and the evening primrose oil and prenatals and the pre-seed lubricant and buckets and buckets of bottled water and outlaw coffee and beer, knowing that I am not wasting money or causing myself undue suffering.

Not that I am at the point where I have to choose how to live with my little trying to conceive journey, but today seemed like a good day to post the poem that Wifebian and I happened to read on the night we inseminated.

Good bye try #2; you’ll be missed!

Tulips// Maybe our failed hopes rise like tulips,/ out of the cold ground,/ and when we look around,/ there their satin bowls are, chocolates,// and swaying, velvety clarets, aglow/ with memories of help we thought would/ appear and beliefs we watered./ And we do have something to show,// goblet-like reminders of our stubborn/ labors — or we don’t, and refuse/ odorless flowers and choose/ to live without consolation.// Mark Halperin

Fun and OK

February 26, 2010

A third morning of high temperatures and the FF is prompting me about the possible meaning of — but not necessarily — triphasic charts.

So in the spirit of doing what normal people do, neither supressing nor indulging, neither ignoring nor dwelling on the possibilities, rather, taking a pregnancy test because they are excited about maybe being pregnant because its fun and ok to be excited because its fun and ok to be excited for that outside chance and just have fun with it, and because its also OK to not be pregnant, I’m gonna go get some pregnancy tests now.