Combustable Hugs

May 4, 2010

The Good

— in order to get to the fertility clinic from my job, I have to walk across the parking lot

— after being told no, then yes, then no, then maybe, the clinic has confirmed that they are not only able to unfreeze, then wash, then inseminate me with my sperm of choice, but also willing to do so

— if my insurance doesnt cover it, the HSG will only be $450.00 out of pocket

— the clinic only needs 1 cc of sperm, so we will save $250.00 on sperm this month and use the extra money for things like washing ($25.00), triggering ($100.00) and inseminating ($125.00).

— the clinic has very reasonable out-of-pocket prices

The Bad

— They scheduled my initial appointment with a doctor who doesnt do infertility, even though I told them I wanted to talk about fertility treatments, and that set me back one week until I could meet with the right doctor, making me ineligible for Clomid this cycle

–I become very judgmental, oppositional and rude around men who make more money than me, doctors, for-profit human services organizations and health insurance company representatives. So being in a fertility clinic really does a number on my home training

The Ugly

— The doctor will be vacationing in the Carribean next week and will not be able to do my IUI

— The doctor is a “hugger”

I know this because he told me as he was about to hug me. I told him I was not a hugger, interrupting his advance. I engaged in some edgy banter about how I needed to develop a relationship with someone before I hugged them and that maybe if he was gonna be around for my IUI that coulda happened, but he wasnt.

He rolled with the punches and reminded me that we still had the HSG procedure over which to bond in four days. I told him handshakes were fine and complimented him on his handshake. He proceeded to identify and demonstrate alternative ways he could express himself, gingerly placing an open, flat hand on the top of my shoulder or and bending at the waist to feign the exchange of air kisses. I finally worked my way out of the room and once I got in front of him, he proceeded to put his hand on the back of my neck and keep it there as he steered to me the exit. I was so livid, I’m surprised his hand did not spontaneously combust.

Point being, this man will be between my legs on Thursday and he better not say a fucking word about hugging.


I have a $500.00 deductible, so the HSG will be out of pocket. Should we do it? No credit cards involved, just payment plan.