Asheville Welcome Mat

September 9, 2010

Via via.

So we are going back to Asheville tomorrow to look for houses. This time we are taking Wifebian’s sister and little baby niece. The idea is that we wont kill one another in front of family. Naive, I know, but worth a try. On the other hand, we both got our psychotropic medications refilled, so that should help, too.

The house of interest for tomorrow is in the mountains about 20 miles north of Asheville in Marshall, NC. It’s a 2/1 jobbie built in 2005 by an elderly couple. It sits on their property. It’s 1,000 bucks a month, everything included. Cable and wi-fi, washer dryer, dish washer, waterelectricgas type of everything included. As in, we write one check per month. Hardwood floors. Porch.

Every time I talk to the lady, it takes 20 minutes to discuss a 5 minute topic. “What’s the address?” becomes about how there is a new Walmart and she is 6th generation and her daughter is a principal and the last renter said his cats were spayed but they werent. I’ve heard the cat story twice. And asking me every single time what it is I do and finding out important things like my age in the most passive-polite way

But, she is also very sweet telling me that we can have her daughter’s futon and joking about how she is talking like she’s already rented the place to me and telling me she has ESP. She knows Wifebian is my wife, at least I told her so anyway, and she referred to us during yesterday’s conversation as you ladies, as in “I hope you ladies like it.” Today, Lauren was demoted to “your friend”, as in, “Now what does your friend do, again?” But that’s OK. She probably just forgot. Or maybe she really doesnt get it yet. The apartment, after all, is a two bedroom.

Oi. I could write a book about all the landlords I’ve had.

So, of course there’s no pictures on Craigs list. I found out that her niece helped her make the post. In lieu of a picture, I’ll post the perfect welcome mat wording. I used to have a church bench that I took from the free clinic I used to work at. The bench was turquoise and it was painted in pink words with the quote, “We all deserve to live in a place where we feel truly alive, present, safe and accounted for.” I heard it in a Le Tigre song.

So, are Lauren and I ready to trade city-living for the breezy blue ridge mountains in all their senior citizen glory? Stay tuned, faithful readers.

Stay tuned.

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10 Responses to “Asheville Welcome Mat”

  1. Mina said

    All in all, it sounds great. I hope it works out for you! I so appreciate that welcome mat quote right about now.

  2. Nicole said

    I so hope you take the house and then start another blog devoted entirely to quotes from the landlady and outtakes from your conversations. You might even get a reality show out of it.

  3. LPC said

    Sometimes women of that generation use “friend” to mean lover:).

    • mrsbasement said

      i know, but its still a demotion. Like, a demotion in connotation, but not definition. A connotation demotion. Exactly ;}

  4. I once spent an entire summer working in the office (as in: in her person, one person office) of a woman who kept calling Sugar “my friend.” and i would correct her to “girlfriend” over and over and over again.

    at the end of the summer, i finally realized that she called her friends “girlfriend” and the man she had been in a relationship with for years her “friend.” i. am. a. genius.

    the house sounds great. but then, i come from a long line of tangential talkers, myself.

  5. Ms. Loaf said

    Yeah, my grandma calls dates/lovers/bf/gf friend too. But it’s so hard to tell if they do it to sleight you or because they’re old.

    Good luck finding a place! Apartment/house hunting is maddening and one of my least favorite things in the world.

  6. Angie said

    if you fit that on a welcome mat, you will be queen of asheville.

    i think nicole is on to something. just be sure to share the URL. and hire me as an extra when the show rolls around.

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