No Conclusion or Effect

August 11, 2010

I had a rousing pregnancy dream.

I thought I might be pregnant and I was going to get an abortion, but I wasnt sure if I was pregnant, but if I was, I was having second thoughts about an abortion. When I got there, I told the doctor this. She was a pregnant lesbian. I told her all the reasons I thought I wasnt sure if I was pregnant and she told me how she hadnt had very many symptoms early on either.

Right before she was going to set up some equipment, I told her I would be right back. I went home to change clothes and, um, clean up, because I had forgotten. The vast majority of the dream was spent going through every piece of clothing in my closet quickly and with compulsion, unable to pick something to wear and worrying that I would get back to the doctor’s too late. I got back to the doctor’s and she told me that she had a rental property in San Francisco and whether I would like to live in San Francisco. I was very angry at her, because of course I want to live in San Fran fucking cisco. But she was just asking, like a therapist, not sharing the reason for her question. She did something to my nether regions, I left. I realized I still didnt know if I was pregnant. The dream was filled with sonogram machines and vacuum aspirators, but to no conclusion or effect.

And scene.

Welcome to my life. Don’t know if I’ll ever get pregnant, don’t know where I’m gonna live and dont ever have a thing to wear.

Went to the second interview. My pants were too tight but my toenails were freshly painted and things went well. It was much more of an interview. I was able to comfortably make clear what my preferences were in terms of the position I would like. I was informed of an opportunity to receive the training and experience to become a certified clinical addictions counselor. The woman didnt try to sell me a house or ask me about my husband.

Seriously. I have talked to two different people at the agency who have tried to rent or sell me their house. For a couple days, I didnt realize I was talking to different people and wondered why the house all the sudden had a third bedroom. Working in Appalachia is really gonna give me a run for my boundaries.


2 Responses to “No Conclusion or Effect”

  1. LPC said

    Real estate is the worst possible addiction. Help out these poor sufferers.

  2. Ms. Loaf said

    I’m really wishing you were here at queer writers’ camp with me, because I have had at least four very interesting discussions about lesbian pregnancy/non-pregnancy/parenting/adoption/foster etc etc etc and your smart voice is needed.

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