May 27, 2010

Wifebian and I had a talk the other night about what we’ve learned about our baby desires through the process of trying to have  baby.

She said that she has learned that she has a stronger draw not to the genetic or biological experiences of birth, not to blue eyes or pushing it out, but to the physiological aspects of bonding, reading to the baby in utero or putting the baby against her skin.And that she wants a wee little baby just for us more than she did originally. And that her preferred age or foster/adoption has gone down.

I said that I learned that I am as attached to having a biological child as I am to foster care. That the end of every two week wait is this awesome relief — from the wanting, the wondering, the behavior modification, the outlay of money. This process doesnt suit me.

We didnt come to any conclusions or make any decisions. It was just a nice conversation between nice wives over a nice bottle of half price wine.

I’ve also come to the understanding that we are being sold terrible sperm. Just terrible. I’ve never told you about the known donor we asked almost two years ago. I haven’t told you either about the friend of a friend we might start emailing with regarding those fresh cups of gay sperm being delivered to my door about which I have lamented from time to time. But yeah, we’ve been having sperm problems. I’m feeling taken advantage of, kind of. I guess. Gay sperm man said 20 million and our last batch was 4 million. I have a hard time believing that batches can vary by that much.

I am on day three of 50mg of Clomid. I don’t even know why I’m taking it. I ovulate. But I guess there is some outside chance that I might make two eggs instead of one, so, there’s that.

Also, if I get pregnant, I am busting into my 401 K faster than you can say “tax penalty” and getting the fuck out of here. Surrendering to that option was relieving.

I am in constant need of relief. I think it’s a personality trait.


2 Responses to “Nice”

  1. Angie said

    However baby comes to you and wifebian… there is always relief in knowing you two will be a fantastical parental unit.

  2. LPC said

    It is the donor that’s the issue. In my completely uninformed, long distance, unreliable opinion.

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