Combustable Hugs

May 4, 2010

The Good

— in order to get to the fertility clinic from my job, I have to walk across the parking lot

— after being told no, then yes, then no, then maybe, the clinic has confirmed that they are not only able to unfreeze, then wash, then inseminate me with my sperm of choice, but also willing to do so

— if my insurance doesnt cover it, the HSG will only be $450.00 out of pocket

— the clinic only needs 1 cc of sperm, so we will save $250.00 on sperm this month and use the extra money for things like washing ($25.00), triggering ($100.00) and inseminating ($125.00).

— the clinic has very reasonable out-of-pocket prices

The Bad

— They scheduled my initial appointment with a doctor who doesnt do infertility, even though I told them I wanted to talk about fertility treatments, and that set me back one week until I could meet with the right doctor, making me ineligible for Clomid this cycle

–I become very judgmental, oppositional and rude around men who make more money than me, doctors, for-profit human services organizations and health insurance company representatives. So being in a fertility clinic really does a number on my home training

The Ugly

— The doctor will be vacationing in the Carribean next week and will not be able to do my IUI

— The doctor is a “hugger”

I know this because he told me as he was about to hug me. I told him I was not a hugger, interrupting his advance. I engaged in some edgy banter about how I needed to develop a relationship with someone before I hugged them and that maybe if he was gonna be around for my IUI that coulda happened, but he wasnt.

He rolled with the punches and reminded me that we still had the HSG procedure over which to bond in four days. I told him handshakes were fine and complimented him on his handshake. He proceeded to identify and demonstrate alternative ways he could express himself, gingerly placing an open, flat hand on the top of my shoulder or and bending at the waist to feign the exchange of air kisses. I finally worked my way out of the room and once I got in front of him, he proceeded to put his hand on the back of my neck and keep it there as he steered to me the exit. I was so livid, I’m surprised his hand did not spontaneously combust.

Point being, this man will be between my legs on Thursday and he better not say a fucking word about hugging.


I have a $500.00 deductible, so the HSG will be out of pocket. Should we do it? No credit cards involved, just payment plan.


8 Responses to “Combustable Hugs”

  1. Angie said

    What a creepster.

  2. metalstork said

    FWIW, i say no HSG. we seem to be at about the same amount of tries, age, etc. and the clinic i went to said it’s way too early to worry about such things. i’d use the $250 on an at-home ici before the in-clinic iui. just my $.02.

  3. Sarah said

    Oy love. My first RE gave me some talk a couple cycles in that a pretty girl like myself should have no problem getting pregnant. This of course said the one appointment my wife couldn’t come. I don’t know that I could handle a hug or a hand at the neck from a doc. The very fact that a queer woman is in their offic trying to get pregnant without physical contact with a man should at least be an indication to keep their paws in gloves and explain every touch. Are they like this with all women? Why are some men so weird around gay women?

    I’m really sorry for the insurance bull shit. It’s all so complicated. I never had an HSG, so I can’t advise. Go with your gut love. You’ve got a wise one.

    Enjoy a clomid free month. I’d rather eat staples than go through that again. But it is good at getting those eggs going. Still … warn Wifebian.

  4. LPC said

    I can’t advise on the HSG. But I will say again that it’s early days. I think there’s every likelihood that you are fine. As for your doctor, state your boundaries clearly and without anger, if you can. I once had an OB, not mine, but one in his practice, tell me that my nipples were inverted, and then without warning, reach over and pull one of them. Hurt like hell, shamed me. When I told the nurse, she said, “Well, he’s going through a divorce. He’s having some trouble.” Like that’s an excuse? So I’m with you on the need to set limits. But I’d avoid antagonizing him, if you depend on his goodwill for success. Of course, I wish I’d been a little more kickass as a younger woman, so there’s that.

  5. mrsbasement said

    Here’s my thinking. When this is over, this round, I want it to be over. I want all the experience and facts I can muster. I want to know about the emotional ins and outs and I want to know about my body before we try round two, so that we can make a sound game plan. I am leaning toward HSG, not because I think something is wrong, but because when I start this train back up in a year, I want to know if everything is all right. My friend Trinity is my cautionary tale in all of this. There is so much money invovled in all of this and I would feel like an ass if I have been dumping a bunch of money into an hole that just needed to be filled with a little information.

  6. mrsbasement said

    ps. LPC — sometimes i wish a doctor would do something like that so i would have actually have an excuse to a.) have the amount of rage I have and b.) let it loose. Here’s hoping Dr. Hug does something inappropriate. I havent gotten to fly into a rage since 2007 ;} pps. this is the last try in 2010, no need to ingratiate myself to him. ppps.

  7. if you can swing the HSG financially, i say do it. i *fucking loathed* mine (worse than yours is likely to be for anatomical reasons), but it was a relief to know the lay of the land up there. and if god forbid there is something amiss, better to know now, before wasting time, money, and emotional energy only to have to fix/work around a problem later. does that make sense, i hope? better to know about any wacky ute/tube stuff at the get-go.

    as for the doc…he sounds a bit icky, but i’m assuming he’s southern? not excusing the hand on neck by any means, but i think some of the mannerisms are less gross to me in that context than if someone in NY or MA were doing it. bear in mind that 1) i am also southern, which may make me way too much of a push-over with figures of authority, especially male ones, if i don’t interpret them as actually *evil*; and 2) i spent a lot of said southern childhood growling at men who called me “honey”. i can’t find it, but i’ll keep looking for this hilarious blog post by a southern woman who has lived in the north, talking about how to interpret overly affectionate/enthusiastic comments from people in various regions…. (it was some adoption blog. i’m never going to find this, am i?) anyway, this sounds like exactly the kind of guy Sugar would annihilate with laser eye-beams and then be disgusted with me for not hating.

  8. Schroedinger said

    I also have a cautionary tale like Trinity’s, so I’m pro-HSG. Especially because the price tage is relatively low and you wan’t have to put it on a card. YAY, you!

    As for Dr. Hugs, EWWWWW! You did an admirable job keeping your cool even if in your head you felt like you were going to explode. But still. Maybe guys like this need a little unprecedented rage to keep it in check. Jeez. I got a very sweet tentative hug from the FEMALE dr. (who I’d been seeing since way back in 2008 when I got my srugery) when she saw the heartbeat. I thought that was charming and within appropriate bounds, though I am not a hugger by nature. This dude needs to be learned.

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