Lots of Highs, Few Loops

March 15, 2010

After four days of inseminations with pharmacy lubricant, a plastic speculum, a wonky celsius thermometer — and oh, yeah, sperm — I am emerging from the liquid nitrogen fog feeling like I’ve been to another gynecological planet.

Highlights:

  • Mr. Human orAnimal?
  • perfect tank arrival timing
  • bonus speculum
  • *four* inseminations
  • seeing my awesome and perfect cervix
  • happening upon the website “Beautiful Cervix Project
  • Wifebian stating, thick with sarcasm while batting her eyelashes, that any thought she every had of being trans had totally evaporated, after I complained that she wasn’t making me feel beautiful and encouraged her to start embracing this womanly experience
  • The last night, when I yelled at her 5-year-old-style that I wasnt having fun anymore! and she pushed me onto the bed while holding the syringe
  • Calling the bed “insemination station”, rather than bed
  • Receiving the email highlighted in the previous post
  • Wifebian being totally with me, physically, mentally and emotionally through a whole cycle for the first time

Lowlights:

  • four inseminations of only 1 cc each
  • very unattractive cervical mucous
  • pinching my vaginal wall with the speculum and that sickening thud when you pop it into place
  • being wholly unable to detect any convincing temperature spike with my wonk-mo-meter
  • no noticeable improvements in cervical mucous despite primrose oil, water and limited caffeine

So now, I’m really all into the words we are making up for this . . . process. Fuck those dumb acronyms. Do you guys have any lesbian conceptionisms of which you are especially proud?

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3 Responses to “Lots of Highs, Few Loops”

  1. Debbie said

    I hate my thermometer! And it is my fourth one. I have not found a single good one. It is so frustrating – so much relies upon it.

    Sounds like a promising month though. I’ll be thinking of you.

  2. Loaf said

    Lots of good thoughts your way! I love all the new words too. It seems to make sense, considering the title of last blog.

    I love the Beautiful Cervix Project. Thanks for reminding me about it.

  3. OUCH. Sorry about the pinch–I hate speculums!
    Best of luck, though–four inseminations sounds like a pretty good number to me!

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