Um.

March 11, 2010

So. I logged into my email to try to figure out why the sperms are a half hour late. The tracking email says the sperms were delivered to . . . someone else. I called Fedex.

AWESOME FEDEX MAN: “Hi, Thank you for calling FEDEX. To whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?”

MRS BASEMENT: “You have the pleasure of speaking to Mrs. Basement”

He asks what I need. I tell him. He looks it up and happens to say out loud the address to which the sperms were, in fact, delivered. I recognize this address as belonging to the local infertility clinic. I chuckle, to myself. He apologizes, professionally.

AWESOME FEDEX MAN: “Do you know what is in the package?”

MRS BASEMENT: “Yes, I do.”

AWESOME FEDEX MAN: “Can you tell me what is in the package?”

MRS BASEMENT: “Frozen sperm.”

AWESOME FEDEX MAN: “Human or animal?”

MRS BASEMENT: “Human.”

I am so impressed by how ridiculous and funny this is. How my worst nightmare is actually ridiculous and funny. And I’m so impressed by me and AWESOME FEDEX MAN. We are not missing a fucking beat.

AWESOME FEDEX MAN: “As this is human sperm, we need to get this resolved right away. I am sorry for the delay m’am. If you dont get a call back in a half hour, call us — with this number.

MRS. BASEMENT: “Thank you.”

UPDATE: As I was picking up the phone to call the fertility clinic to inquire about getting it from them my damn self, the FedEx man knocked on the door.

R2D2, AKA the sperm tank, has a combination lock on it. No one told me about that . . . le le le sigh sigh sigh.

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6 Responses to “Um.”

  1. boo said

    Human or animal? Too funny! Good luck with the spermies. Glad they arrived safely.

  2. vwetlaufer said

    Human or animal. “Both.”

  3. Wow, you’re gonna get pregnant by FedEx? Does that mean you will have a fast delivery???

    ::badum, dum:::

    Ok, leaving now… lol

  4. HA! That’s fabulous, and would make a great “When I got pregnant with you…” story.

  5. Sarah said

    I agree – perfect “when i got pregnant with you” story. I figure something has to go askew each cycle. Since this happened, it’s smooth sailing for insemination. I like that alliteration. xo

    Email me at sarahboise@gmail.com. I want to dish on names. Do you gmail? Chat me up.

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