Are You Buying What He’s Selling?

January 5, 2010

The sperm shop man emailed to say that he will have to look up morphology, motility and sperm count information, that this donor has 10 failed cycles under his belt (in addition his profile says that he has never caused a woman to be pregnant and has never fathered children) and that this donor’s donations are not available for IUI, a mysterious distinction that I dont quite understand. I mean, why not? I mean, I know that it would give me an infection, but what is the actual difference and why cant we just do whatever needs to be done to make it happen?

Also,  the donor is 54, which is in a grey area – some banks would take his sperm some wouldnt. But, the sperm shop runs tests on samples after theyve been frozen and defrosted to assure that the sperms meet a certain standard before accepting the donor for more donations, if you know what I mean.

What with focus on the donor’s donations, this seems like a good time to tell you about the actual man. But before we get to the nitty gritty, here’s why we chose him. Firstly, he was white, as we are. Second, when a child is conceived using his sperm, he will gladly provide his contact information on the child’s 3 month birthday. Having a known donor is so important to me. Third, he is gay. I would love to have a gay kid. How fun. Fourth, he seemed well rounded and very accomplished in important areas — hobbies and career. Fifth, he stated that in his semi-retirement he was pursuing acting and modeling, which meant that he felt that others might feel that he is attractive according to the standards of the majority of the American public. Since we dont have pictures, this was relevant. Sixth, he didnt have any physical characteristics that were drastically different from me and Wifebian — freckles, dimples, red hair, curly hair, etc.

Nitty Gritty. The things that make you fall in love with the man on the paper and imagine being his friend or being able to be friends with someone that is related to him genetically AKA your future kid — 1.) he has been in a 28 year long monogamous relationship. 2.) he has an MBA from Wharton 3.) he was raised with a deaf little brother 4.) he went to art school and was a professional artist for a time 5.) he has an interest in Eastern philosophies 6.) he listed American comfort foods as his favorite — *I* love American comfort foods! (sarcasm, but I do.) 7.) he always had more to say than the blanks on the form could fit and 8.) he spelled the word “hiking ” wrong under his list of favorite physical activities.

Today is cycle day 1;  We have about two weeks to decide whether or not we are going to use his sperm again.

All that being being said, what would ALBL do?

(Awesome Lesbian Blog Landers)

That’s you.


4 Responses to “Are You Buying What He’s Selling?”

  1. Loaf said

    Totally see why you chose him. My ex and I fought all the time over known donor vs. not, but I can understand why it’s important to you. I would also want a gay donor, if possible.

    Sigh. So complicated. If you try him one more time and it doesn’t work, can you switch? I don’t remember all the specifics about sperm donors…or I’ve blocked it out of my brain.

  2. Persephone said

    My wife wanted an open donor. It was actually one of her conditions. Then we found the profile of a guy who shares her ethnic background, her passions (food and music), her handwriting, and even has a baby picture that looks like hers. (One of our conditions was a donor with an available photo.) We were hooked. He is not willing to be known. She decided she didn’t care.

    My point is, you should go with what you want, conditions be damned. Do you know how many women his failed cycles were with? If it was one or two women, it’s not saying much. Besides, all those successful donors had to have someone take a chance on them at some point.

    I would wait to make a decision until you get some counts on his samples’ sperm motility rates to comfort yourselves with or possibly be motivated to find another donor because of.

  3. He sounds like a great donor in so many ways – and I totally understand wanting an open donor. I can’t say this guy sounds like an ideal sperm donor, though, given his age and the fact that he has no reported pregnancies. It’s hard enough to get pregnant with rockstar sperm! I would wait definitely wait to decide until you get the counts.

    If your donor’s sperm is not IUI prepared and you are doing your IUI at a clinic, they can “wash” it for you. Basically they remove the seminal fluid and the weaker/unmoving sperm and you’re left with this teeny bit of liquid that doesn’t seem like it could contain millions of anything. Introducing semen directly into the uterus can cause wicked cramping and serious infection. You can look at the California Cry.obank site for more technical explanations of the different ways to prep sperm! But even if this guy’s stuff is not IUI ready, I don’t see why it couldn’t be made to be.

    Now I’m going to have to read back on your blog to figure out how you’re doing your insems…

    Good luck!

  4. Hmm! Lots of good reasons to stay with him, but you have three shots this year. I would definitely take that into consideration and I am not so sure an unproven donor is worth the gamble. However, if his counts & motility are good, it could just be rotten luck so far….
    Yes, you can totally get it washed and prepped for IUI.

    This American Life did an amazing piece a while back called “The Missing Parents Bureau” or something ike that and one of the “acts” was about this woman who became super attached to her donor (and the he stopped givning). Check it out if you have an hour to kill…

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