If So, We Might Be Cousins

December 20, 2009

Last night my friend told me a story about how one of her cousins in Germany found her on Facebook, thusly renewing my belief that it is Facebook through which I will find my biological mother again.

I’ve trolled Facebook in the past, using her name or my half sister’s name, but to no avail. Today, though, I trolled Facebook using the names of my biological aunts and uncles, as well as cousins’ names that I lifted from a letter my biological grandmother wrote me in 1995.

I found a number of people of interest. A man with the name of one of my uncles living in Hawaii, which is a place I know this man lived, but no picture. Another man, with the name of his son. I have a picture of this cousin on a beach with his little brother when they were 12 and 9 in 1995. They are both Asian or Filipino, and the young man, who has a picture up, is also Asian, and is living in Rhode Island, where my mother’s biological family is originally from. And then, a woman, with my biological mother’s name, and a network in Guam, piquing my interest because my biological mother was in the army for a number of years and the US has a base there.

The picture this woman has on Facebook is definitely not my biological mother, though. It looks like it might be of a celebrity; Anybody know who this is?

And finally, all three of these people are all friends on Facebook.

The possible biological mother is friends with someone who has the family name, whose first name I don’t recognize and being in the family. This is his picture on Facebook; Do you know this soccer team?

I sent each of them a message that goes a little something like this:

Hey ________ ,

Im looking for some family and Im writing to ask if you have a brother named S, aunts named S and S and an uncle name R. If so, we might be cousins!

If not sorry for the extraneous email and I hope youre having a nice holiday season.


Mrs. Basement
I also went a little ape-shit and messaged 10-20 friends of theirs saying something to the effect of, “I see you are friends with so and so. Im trying to get in touch with so and so because they are a member of my family and help me out.” Facebook finally flashed up a warning telling me that I was being annoying and if I didn’t “slow down” they would disable my account.


The short version of how we got here is that my father was in jail in 1977 and my biological mother put me in foster care when I was 10 months old. My dad got out of jail and got legal custody of me in 1979. I exchanged letters, pictures and phone calls with my biological mother three times between 1990 and 1998. We made plans to meet twice in 1995, but she canceled both times. In 1998, I called a number that I had for her and the person who answered hung up when I said who I was.

And that’s that.


4 Responses to “If So, We Might Be Cousins”

  1. Wasabi said

    I think that’s a pic of Mandy Moore, no? Good luck with the search, and congrats on the new place.

  2. Ditto said

    The picture looks like it might be Jillian Harris. Maybe? She was on The Bachelorette. Good luck with your search!

  3. Me said

    I read this this AM and have been thinking about you today. Hoping that you’re feeling good about reaching out. Take care.

  4. Lila Phoenix said

    Thanks for posting this, I know from reading your other entries that it didn’t really work out, but you’ve given me the strength to try and find my bio dad seeing my family is unwilling to part with information. So thanks, and I hope you can work through the bitterness that I know so well.

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