Insemination #1 — Some Bullshit

December 1, 2009

Once we got to where we were going in order to do the actual insemination, Wifebian and I were pretty frazzled. Earlier that day, we had talked a little bit about how we wanted it to go. We kinda figured we had three choices — kinky, loving or clinical. I thought that Wifebian couldnt handle loving. She can be the nervous type and I knew she would have difficulty dealing with being so close to sperm. Plus we couldnt like, light candles and make love on the exam table. I tried half-heartedly to push kinky, or even erotic, but that was pretty much not gonna happen. Clinical seemed pretty straight forward — just git ‘er done. We figured that it would be upbeat, collegial, exciting. We would just take it as it came.

But then, we got to the clinic and it turned out we would be doing it at home. Which introduced a time crunch. We definetely didnt appreciate the role it would play in our mood. We were told that we had about 90 minutes to get the sperm in my cooch and we arrived home with a half hour to spare. I wanted to masturbate, but didnt have any lube. Wifebian apologetically refused to contribute in any way to an orgasm, but promised she would try next month. Wifebian was ecited to get ‘er done, but I felt rushed. We had two vials. She got a towel, she sucked it up in the kitchen and brought it into the bedroom. We put the first one in. I tried to come with the aid of olive oil, to no avail. I asked her to hold on, she said we had to hurry. We put the second one in. Done.

There were some bruised feelings along the way. At one point it was clear that Wifebian was disgusted by the fact of sperm in my vagina, which hurt from the whole I’m a beautiful woman making a beautiful thing perspective. Also, I’m bisexual (Oh. Did I mention I’m bisexual?) and having sperm in my vagina after making love is a part of myself, of me, my past, that I like, love, cherish, remember fondly, and so I felt kind of judged on a personal level. At another point, I rebuffed her attempt to “reconnect” because I just wanted it to be over. We stopped talking for a few minutes and withdrew into our little corners of hurt. Then she asked where the camera was and took it into the kitchen to take this picture.

That’s when I knew we were still on the same page. And that’s what I love so much about this being married thing. Fights, even ones like this at a time like this, are so much less scary. They just are. They are a break down in communication or a lack of sleep or a lack of food or the result of some situation that just happens to have tested us in some new and ridiculous way, but they are never scary anymore.

The vials, syringe, gloves and paper towel are self explanatory, but the rose was given to us by the now infamous second friend from yesterday’s post. When the four of us met up for lunch that day, she had brought Wifebian and I both a “baby-making” corsage. And before we left San Fran, she gifted me a legacy pregnancy test, left over from her own baby-making days. Nobody gets to be all good or all bad.

Within a few minutes we were talking again and being tender, then we fell asleep. A little worse for the wear, but done with the hard part.

I write all this to say that we have to go through a lot of bullshit, don’t we?

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11 Responses to “Insemination #1 — Some Bullshit”

  1. A. said

    “That’s when I knew we were still on the same page. And that’s what I love so much about this being married thing. Fights, even ones like this at a time like this, are so much less scary. They just are. They are a break down in communication or a lack of sleep or a lack of food or the result of some situation that just happens to have tested us in some new and ridiculous way, but they are never scary anymore.”

    YES. It used to seem so scary. Now it is just part of life.

  2. Trinityvz said

    I’m so excited for you! I wish we could have done ours on our own but our doc insisted that he do it. Oh well! All the best to you

  3. Loaf said

    I fear I would probably be kind of grossed out by sperm, too. But your take on fights during marriage are great. I’m glad it is a positive experience for you.

  4. N said

    A lot of bullshit, indeed.

    (Hi! Thank you for commenting – I’m so bad at finding people’s blogs anymore. 🙂 )

    I’m Bi as well, and occasionally when those fights would crop up, things would get said about why can’t you just go find some random guy, and that was never fun or nice (but J didn’t actually mean it), but it DID help that, even bi, I find sperm GROOOOOSSSSSSS.

    I mean really, really gross. So at least we were on the same page with that. *g*

    We usually ended up with silly insems. Though it sometimes made it hard to orgasm after, it’s what worked for us.

  5. You know, I always thought if ever there were an insemination in my world, that it would be at home, emphasis on the looove-making, and trying to make it less clinical. I also assumed the inseminee wouldn’t be me. But given our location and resources, I ended up in the stirrups with my wife holding my hand, a male doctor and a lady nurse doing the deed, which kind of felt like a science experiment, but we knew it was our only option. Good luck getting it done at home – my fingers are crossed for you.

    Also, being a “golden lesbian” the whole sperm-in-vagina sensation was new to me, though it didn’t gross me out as much as I thought it would. It also could be that we got to spend some time holding it after it was warmed (after the thaw, before the procedure) in which we kind of separated it from being sperm (ew!) and simply being the means to creating our family.

  6. Keely said

    Oh, sorry to hear that your experience wasn’t what you had hoped, but I love your thoughts on your spat, and marriage. We’re all just bumbling through this the best we can, right? Fingers crossed for your tww.

  7. m said

    while I wish it hadn’t been stressful, I’m so happy that it’s done! here’s to a baby!

  8. Me said

    Yes we do. I love that you are recording all of the experience. It’s a wild ride.

  9. Vikki said

    The process is an emotional one so stuff always comes up.

  10. I’m really glad you described the strong emotions AI can bring up. Glad it’s done and my fingers are crossed for you both!

  11. MWK said

    Hey. I’ve been a bit of a lurker for a few weeks, but I just wanted to say that I’m rooting for you. All three (or four?? Five? who knows) of you. And I completely agree about the fights…suddenly it isn’t the end of the world when you fight at what is supposed to be a huge moment…it just is what it is. Sending lots of luck and baby vibes your way.

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