Not Safe for the Wedding Blog

October 14, 2009

Welcome Practical Wedding Readers!

So, this is the new blog. Major topics will include wife-ness, baby-making, social work, and the South. I’m so excited.

Blogging for the wedding was a wonderful exercise for many reasons. First and foremost, was the fact that blogging kept me positive. Family was reading, so I couldnt complain about them! In the time that I have been keeping this blog, I’ve ventured deeper into the guilty pleasures of complaining, criticizing and whining. It was nice at first, but I have found that it doesnt make me very happy.

That being said, here is the top ten list of real-life drama I couldnt blog about for the past year and half! I kept it light to maximize the fun of the crap! But, crap there was!

1.) Wifebian got light-headed from nerves right before the ceremony as her parents had just seen her in a suit for the first time. When we first started wedding planning, her father offered to pay her to wear a dress. He was joking, but not really.

2.) Wifebian”s parents gave her straight sister twice as much money for her wedding than they gave us! They also have pictures of her sister’s wedding on the refrigerator and bought a 3 foot by 2 foot portrait of Wifebian’s sister in her dress. But, not one picture of us or Wifebian!

3.) My dad’s ashes were on the wedding altar, but we didnt tell anyone!

4.) I was married once before, but we havent told Wifebian’s parents!

5.) I saw the photographer’s underwear when she was taking my portrait! She was so focused and determined, that I couldnt bring myself to make mention of it. But it made me smile.

6.) My friend offered to videotape the wedding, but expressed some reservations, as he just wanted to be a guest. Then, my aunt, who is a professional videographer, offered to videotape and I accepted. I told my friend he was off the hook. The day of the wedding my aunt did not show up with a video camera!

7.) The Wifebian’s grandparents found out she was gay and getting married four days before the wedding, when their grandson called told them what he was doing that weekend, ie:  “Going to Desaray and Lauren’s wedding!”

8.) At the beginning of the planning process, Wifebian’s parents told her that they didn’t understand our commitment ceremony and didn’t know how to act! (Wifebian sent them a book.)

9.) Her parents still call it our “commitment ceremony” or “union”, even though we’ve never called it anything other than a wedding!

10.) My mother never offered to pay for any aspect of the wedding, even though she couldve afforded to make some gesture! (She’s cheap, not weird on gays)

And there you have it, all the crap in ten easy bullets! Needless to say, Lauren and I remark regularly that we are so relieved to not be planning a wedding. It was absolutely worth it, and it is absolutely over! (Except we still have to order the wedding album. Yikes.)


10 Responses to “Not Safe for the Wedding Blog”

  1. metalstork said

    wow. that is some tough love right there. my wife’s parents are evangelical so naturally we have some similarities to your “crap.” my wife told them we were getting married and was met by dead silence on the phone. and then they had the nerve to show up from 2200 miles away and her dad wore jeans and a spandex bike shirt to our fancy schooner ceremony. no, they haven’t come around and still haven’t so much as said “congrats” or sent a card. and believe me, i’ve since told them exactly how i feel with them but we remain civil. but i cannot imagine how you keep your calm living under their roof…kudos to you.

  2. Meg said

    Yeah. I could do a less-screwed up but still painful list.

    Funny story: our invite was going to say “Parents A and Parents B invite you to share their joy as their children Meg A & David B exchange vows of love and commitment.” But No. Parents were upset that the word marriage was not there. “What else would they think it was, for gods sake?” We asked. “A commitment ceremony,” they answered. Uh. Ok?

    PS Practical *Wedding* silly. Not bride. We have grooms (mostly lovely gay ones).

  3. Meg said

    PS I forgot to say that I’m quite excited about this new blog.

  4. We call ours a wedding and family call it a commitment ceremony. Oh well. Our celebrant says we’re allowed call it a wedding if we choose to.

    Glad to hear you’re still blogging 🙂

  5. Loaf said

    You have so much more self-control than I do. My blogging got me into trouble so many times, because I couldn’t censor myself.

    It is kind of a relief to know about this other side of things, because knowing other people’s lists like this help me feel like there’s nothing wrong with me for having my own.

    And, of course, I also love the new blog!

  6. Jenny Wells said

    I love your blog, and I can’t wait to read more.

    As someone from the South who hot-footed it outta there as fast as I could (but still misses it horribly), I wish you and your wife all the best and I can’t wait to hear more about your new life!

  7. kahlia said

    So I found my way here from APW and I just wanted to say 1 very important thing:
    1. your blog/writing makes me feel happy in quiet, content, sit-still-and-drink-a-cup-of-tea-and-sigh-and-say-“yes. that’s it.” kind of way.
    and 2 other things:
    1. I’m a Unitarian Universalist and we love us some Quakers! (I’ve never been to a Friends meeting, but would very much like to one day. Is that allowed?) So yay! for “like-minded people”, as they say at my church!
    2. I wonder if the powers that are (mostly)financing our wedding would let me get away with using Meg’s proposed wording of “we invite you to celebrate with us as kahlia and That Boy exchange vows of love and commitment”… I’m going to have to write that one down for further consideration.

    (Also, some of the links down at the bottom of the page didn’t work, but I was able to get to the relevant sites by searching for them by name… so thanks for the recommendations!)

  8. kahlia said

    One more thing!
    I just read the “For the Visual Learners” section and actually laughed out loud (and that’s a big deal, since I usually just chuckle and/or smirk when other people “LOL” over things they read online). Also, it gave me yet another reason to adore you (from afar, obviously… since in addition to being an “invisible Internet friend” (as they say on’s Table Talk forum), I live in Europe): I have a big thing for precise descriptions… which you may or may not have noticed from my previous comment! 😉

  9. mrsbasement said

    Thank you, Kahlia for the compliments. Writing is my first, true love and I’m really trying to be good to it.

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