Foggy Hokey Pokey

September 30, 2009

I am deeply ambivalent about my job.

Or is it the agency? Or is it my profession? Sometimes it’s hard to tell. I’ve walked around for the past two weeks in a constant state of bargaining as whether, how long and under what circumstances I will stay at this job. I am intelligent, creative and principled. Who knew I would be this kind of social worker, with one foot in and one foot out, playing the hokey pokey, dreading face-to-face contact with families, working for the weekend. The ambivalence leads to numb, dumb avoidance. I’ve started messing up on simple details that really impact families, like when I’m supposed to arrive at their house and with which papers.

Or is it the depression I may or may not have — poor concentration, excessive guilt, hopelessness?

This fog is the type known to cause marital dischard, household accidents and car crashes.

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One Response to “Foggy Hokey Pokey”

  1. Me said

    I hear you. I’m feeling the same way. Sad. Very sad. 😦

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