Friend Trouble

September 5, 2009

Today I tried to make us some lesbian friends. This girl contacted me through Facebook saying she and her wife had just moved to the area and did we know some cool places to hang. She also noted that she came from where me and wifebian came from, which is just uncanny. I mean how many lesbian couples move from mid-sized, Northern, urban center A to small-town, suburban outskirt B in the same month? In my megalomaniacal, but, I think, cute way, I said that cool places are where I’m at and suggested that we meet up at our local annual literary festival.

Unfortunately, it’s a no go. Please enjoy these top ten reasons this couple won’t qualify for friend status, in no particular order:

1.) Their pitbull chow mix is dog aggressive

2.) They talk a lot, interrupting one another and us

3.) They asked no questions about us

4.) They have gone to more Ani concerts than they can count

5.) The femme wears Birkesntocks as a matter of course

6.) They spend their money on electronics, concert tickets and pot, in that order, according to self report

7.) After an eight year relationship, the butch was Facebooking with an ex-girlfriend, not telling her wife and erasing the messages she sent to the ex.

8.) They are younger than us chronologically, as well

9.) I think that sums it up

10.) No, wait, they own a djembe

Yeah, I think that’s it. It’s OK though, because two weeks ago we met up with this other lesbian couple. My middle sil’s husband’s step mother goes to the same personal trainer as this lesbian. So she called my mil who gave us her number. Wifebian wasn’t able to go to that meet-up because of a root canal, so I went alone. That couple is in their late 40’s, attend a pretty radical Baptist church if you can believe that there is such a thing, have two young children, and own a lake house. And truly, these days, “lake house” is more my speed than un-countable Ani concerts. Not to mention the full-time mom in the couple is bubbly, fun and on Facebook 24-7, while the other member of the couple is thoughtful and intellectual and has great energy, as they say.

I have to admit that I have had trouble making friends since college. First and foremost, no one compares to my high school and college friends. Just no one. Second, it seems like I am always in a relationship and no one is as cool as my partner, duh. Then, itjust  seems like everyone I meet is either boring or self-absorbed.  Lastly, as we get older, I suspect people just dont have the time or inclination to be intimate with anybody but their job and their wife, or husband, as the case may be, which seems developmentally appropriate from an Erikson perspective, but sad from mine.

Next on my list of possible friends: this single mother from Quaker meeting. She has short hair, a big tattoo on her chest and a ten year old. Wifebian thinks she is bisexual. Unfortunately, the vanity plate on her car reads “winediva”, but I’m willing to give it a try.


One Response to “Friend Trouble”

  1. Me said

    Oh wow! The list is hilarious. I so hear you on the friend front. It’s a bitch to find your people after college. Sad, but seemingly true.

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