The Car Accident Dream

August 16, 2009

Last night I had a dream that my friend Meredith died in a car accident. She was driving back to Boston after our wedding. I was hysterical. Then, she and I and our two best friends were in a room and she was making comments about how she had these boyfriends who liked her to beat them. In the context of my dream, I had yet to reconcile her death with her presence, much less the sadomasochistic content, before I woke up. We decided not to go to Meeting today.

I got a job on Friday. I will be a supervisor making $6,000.00 less than I made two years ago to do the job I’ll be supervising. Both the paycut and that sentence are sad, but true. I am, of course, excited and terrified. Excited to develop other helping professionals, create team culture, and strive to meet productivity requirements.  Scared that I won’t be able to keep up with the paperwork or that I will have a particularly destructive crazy on my team.

Lauren and I talked with Lauren’s middle sister today about how to talk to Lauren’s parents about the fact that we are making a baby down here in their basement. I don’t want her parents to really be in on it because I don’t want them — as well as their advice and judgements — along for the ride. Lauren says the consequences of not telling them — hurt feelings, betrayed trust — are too serious. Her middle sister is kind, well-adjusted and trying to get pregnant, too. Basically, the middle sister said you have to tell them and lighten up. In my heart I agree, but my head is pissed that I live in someone’s basement.

I can’t wait until her father, who uses our bathroom, finds the first ovulation stick, or whatever they are called. In the mean time, I should be sure to keep the bathroom strewn with dirty pads. Oh, yeah, he uses our bathroom because his office is in the basement and this is his house. No one will really even let me bring up the possibility that maybe it would be nice if Lauren and I had a private bathroom.

At any rate, we are aiming to start inseminations sometime between October and December of this year, which means parent conversation will occur between September and November.

Now, I must write thank you notes for the wedding gifts.


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